I’ve struggled to start this. I know what I want to say but yet the words aren’t quite flowing. So, you’re going to get a chaotic mess of words and expression. I want to tell you everything not because I have to but because I think it will benefit you and Elysian Haze.
I’m going to take control of my life.
I’m going to work towards creating the life I want.
And it’s happening now.
If you follow me on Instagram and have seen my latest posts you’ll know or probably have pieced together the fact that I lost my cousin. I never had a close relationship with him but death is always hard.
And I’m someone who will think about life and death on the regular.
He was 23 and had his life together. He had done everything that I want to do. He was creating his own life, he was living the life he wanted.
And this has stuck with me.
I want to take the time to build closer relationships with my friends and family as he had. I want to travel as he had. I want to work overseas as he had. I want to shape my own life as he had.
I’m finding it hard to explain and I definitely feel as though this isn’t my best writing.
But in his death, I’ve woken up and realised how important our time is. That we only live once and we should do everything we can to live the life we want.
I kind of brushed this all aside while I finished up my final week of uni before the mid-semester break, but it’s Sunday morning now and the ideas are bursting. I know what I need to do and so I’m going to take the appropriate steps to do so.
I also thought I should let you know who I’m wanting to be, well as best as I can describe. But then again, I have a feeling my ideas and thoughts will change as I go. We’re all constantly growing and changing.
So, here’s a brief overview:
- I want to be more loving towards others.
- I want to express more gratitude.
- I want to read more often.
- I want to take up new opportunities.
- I want to know when to say no.
- I want to drink less coffee.
- I want to wake up earlier.
- I want to improve my physical health and fitness abilities.
- I want to practice yoga regularly.
- I want to journal regularly.
- I want to meditate regularly.
- I want to travel more.
- I want to drink more water.
- I want to procrastinate less.
- I want to gain confidence.
- I want to have new experiences.
- I want to focus on growing Elysian Haze.
- I want to focus on growing my YouTube.
- I want to look after myself physically and mentally.
- I want to create new experiences.
Okay, that’s a rough list of 20. There’s more but I’m sure you understand what I’m trying to say. I just want to improve my life by creating a whole heap of healthy habits and then hopefully that will help me take the next step into living the life I want.
It’s going to be hard and it’s going to take some time but that’s okay. I’ve learned that things take time.
And I just want to mention that right now, life is still great. It’s probably the best it’s ever been and I’m extremely grateful and very thankful for that. I just think it could be better, that I could be a better person.
I’m not sure what else there is to say. But I really want to say this:
Will, I love you. I don’t know whether I ever told you that. I would have loved to have spent the time becoming closer to you. You were, you are incredible. I’d like to blame the age difference and the fact that you were off living your life to the fullest.
Will, I just want to tell you this. You’ve influenced me, you’ve inspired me to take control of my own life and push it further. I want to thank you for that. As I said, you are incredible. I love you and I wish I got to tell you that more often.