Elysian Haze

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Another update, another long-overdue post

This post isn’t the post I had hoped to be writing, but I feel it’s a necessary step forward, and I hope a positive one at that. Like all of my ‘update’ posts, I’ll be rambling and making excuses as to why I haven’t written/published a blog post and, of course, fill you in on my life by perhaps oversharing just a little.

I’m not sure where this will lead me, but I hope that it’s enough to inspire me to get back into writing for the fun of it – to write with freedom and joy.

The thing is, I’m not sure where things will go from here. So, we’ll start with my ramblings to update you all.

So, life? What’s been happening?

I’ve been a little bit all over the shop, to be completely honest. Things have been up and down, and I’ve been trying to focus on uni work and my internships. I also went on a hike.

Life has been chaotic, and I’ve tried to roll with it. But loneliness… I’ve been feeling incredibly alone – like I have no one besides me to confide in, no friends, no support etc. It’s been tough. I’m missing the connections and strength in friendships from past years. What I’ve noticed with uni is that I’m not seeing my friends, apart from two, which has been hard.

And life outside of uni has also had its moments. The hike I went on was great, but I came out with some nasty blisters that prevented me from staying active for a while. My ankle injury has also been flaring up, which has made it hard to feel good while swimming/running and the like. It’s just been very busy.

All of these factors have been making things hard, and blogging always seems to come last on my priorities. But I’m going to try and change that. Try being the keyword as I’ve been all talk no action lately. That’s mostly why I wanted to update you all on what’s been going on.

Where to next?

I’ll be working on some blog posts over the next two weeks. I’m hoping to get at least one post published every week. That’s the aim.

Every Sunday I hope to publish a blog post.

I also hope to write more, with every part of life: blogging, internship, uni work and creatively. Writing makes me feel good, and I enjoy doing it. So, why not write more?

IIn terms of other life areas, some things are still out of my control. I’m waiting to move into a unit my brother, and I have been told we’ve got. The landlord is still doing renovations, but hopefully, within the next three weeks, he’s finished. Uni will be a constant, at least until the end of this year. So, I’m going to do everything I can to give it everything I can.

One area that is changing will be how I train/exercise… It hasn’t existed for a long time. I plan on attempting 75 Hard and incorporating my IronMan training into that. But to begin with, I’m going to focus on running, stretching/yoga, ankle and shoulder rehab and strength. The reason being is that swimming currently hurts my ankle, and I’ve noticed my shoulder going backwards in terms of recovery. I need them to be good. So, I need to focus on rehab. Stretching and yoga also need to be a big focus because I am as tight as ever, and I don’t want to be. Running, well, I signed myself up for a virtual marathon during NAIDOC week, and I need to train for that.

I plan on just taking things one step at a time. Figuring out where I’m at and where I want to be is important, because then I can create steps/goals/habits to get to where I want to be.

And that’s pretty much it from me. I can’t think of anything else to add or say in this little update. I just wanted to let you all know where I was at, and hopefully inspire myself to get writing again.

Captured on film: moments of the past

I’ve had two used disposable cameras sitting on one of my many shelves for years, literally. And so, I decided the best thing to do was to get them developed and see the memories I captured in time – and have since forgotten about. So, here are my film photo diaries.

Sunshine Coast Hinterlands

A small little getaway to celebrate me finishing high school. It still is one of my favourite holidays, and I hope to go back one day.

Flinders Ranges

Instead of going to formal, I snuck away to the Flinders Ranges with mum. However, I was sick as can be – which didn’t make things overly fun.

Other little moments captured

Holidays, moments, memories that feel like home.

And there you have it. All of these photos bring me so much joy. So, I thought I’d share them with you. They also inspired me to purchase more film (not a disposable camera) and to just start capturing moments again.

If you like these sorts of posts, be sure to check out my Photo Diaries category.

It’s time for my next adventure: to complete an Ironman

For the past year, one of my long-term goals has been to complete an Ironman. If you don’t know what an Ironman is, it is a 3.8km swim, 180km bike ride, 42.2km run. It’s a lot, but I’m ready to train for the challenge. The problem is, I’m not even a triathlete now, more of a keen swimmer and want-to-be endurance athlete.

But the aim is to build myself up to compete in an Ironman.

And I know it’s something I want to do because as I write this I get even more excited for the future.

The plan:

I am kind of just winging it at the moment. There isn’t really a plan, yet. It is the beginning of my journey and so, I want to condition myself to a higher training load first. I’ve got my sight set on a half Ironman early next year (1.9km, 90km, 21.1km).

In theory, it is simple enough. I will be working on swimming, cycling, and running (obviously) and also focusing on strength, recovery, mobility and nutrition.

The only problem is I sprained my ankle the other day. It isn’t too much of a big deal, I struggle to kick while swimming and will hold off running for another week or two and work on ankle rehab instead. I have also been pretty slack when it comes to the gym, today was the first time I went in ages.

But here is what I’m hoping my weekly rundown will look like – with rest days when needed:

Okay, I feel as though I’m getting distracted

Monday: 40-minute swim focusing on distance without stopping. Lower body at the gym, with a 10km bike ride warm-up (although, once I can run again I might start incorporating running).

Tuesday: 60-minute bike ride focusing on taking it easy at the moment, 20-minute run when I can run again, and a big focus on stretching and mobility.

Wednesday: My big day eek. We’ll see how I go, but I may change days for my workout, but 60-minute swim, 60-minute run, and upper body + HIIT.

Thursday: 100-minute bike ride, mobility + stretching. Simple enough, if Wednesday gets too extreme, I’ll do my workout on Thursday.

Friday: 60-minute recovery ride, 40-minute swim focusing on sprints and full body at the gym.

Saturday: 120-minute bike ride, 40-minute run, and lots of stretching.

Sunday: 120-minute easy run.

Well, that’s the plan for the next few weeks. The fact that I’m doing uni, I am hoping it makes it a little easier to train.

What Ironman?

As I mentioned, I will complete an Ironman 70.3 (half), and then build up to a full one. Just looking at the Ironman website, I have my eyes on either the Ironman 70.3 Tasmania or the Ironman 70.3 Geelong. I will need to make up my mind soon to ensure I get a spot.

And that’s that. I am genuinely excited to get training and I have never been more ready – well apart from my ankle.

Our January Favourites

2022 is already off to a flying start. January has come to an end and February is upon us. Personally, I was hoping this year would feel slower than the previous, but I have a gut feeling time is only speeding up. Looking back over January Louise and I have been reflecting on our favourites – what we’ve worn, listened to, loved, done, read, and so on. And as someone who enjoys reading monthly favourite posts, I thought it was time to share our January favourites.

So, here they are:

MY JANUARY FAVOURITES

Music

Instead of exploring new music, I’ve been listening to the same artists, songs, and playlists on repeat. I apologise to my Spotify Discover Weekly and Release Radar.

Train: For some reason, I’ve been getting back into listening to Train. It all started with 50 Ways To Say Goodbye.

Imagine Dragons: Forever one of my favourite bands.

Bastille: Another favourite that I will listen to on repeat. I’ve been enjoying their Wild World album at the moment.

My Spotify daily mixes: Normally 1 or 2, but it depends on who is listed.

My 2010 mix: Train, Matchbox Twenty, Imagine Dragons, Bastille, and plenty of other artists, bands and songs that I love.

Wearing

With the weather being warmer (thanks summer), I’ve opted for cooler clothes, well, clothes with less material, with one in particular.

Schusser Threads Ironbank pants: These pants were an investment piece that I had thought long and hard about. And as soon as they arrived I put them on – I don’t think I’ve taken them off. Handmade with love from recycled nylon, they’re now my favourite pants. Perfect for hiking and the option to turn them into shorts has me hooked.

Doing

What I’ve been up to, essentially. That’s not working (because that’s mostly what I do).

Swimming: I love swimming, and I hope I always will. I’ve been getting in the pool a lot more recently, but it’s preparing me for now, where I’m swimming 100km for the Starlight Foundation – If you can, and would like to, it would be amazing if you could sponsor me to help sick kids.

Cycling: Now this is something I haven’t done a lot of, but I’ve been getting on my bike a little more.

Reading: I’ve made it a goal to read at least two books a month. So, reading is a must.

Cross-stitching: Something else I haven’t done a lot of, but it’s something I do to unwind. I’m currently cross-stitching a koala.

Writing: This is an important one. I enjoy writing but don’t do it enough. With one of my yearly goals being to write a poem every day, I’ve been trying to stick to it.

Finally, running: I started this more so later in Jan, but I’ve found an ultra I really want to do this year, and I need to start training. I also want to complete an Ironman one day, so, I need to be able to run. I’ve started a half-marathon plan from Garmin.

Books

I definitely recommend all of the books I’ve listed and read.

The Greek Key by Colin Forbes: My first book finished of the year. I started reading it ages ago, but got very into cross-stitching and just stopped reading for a while.

the witch doesn’t burn in this one by Amanda Lovelace: I enjoy reading poetry books and this one caught my attention in a bookshop last year. Finally got the chance to read it.

The One Impossible Labyrinth by Matthew Reilly: I’d been putting off starting this book as it’s the final book in a series that I have adored. But I have so many books on my to read list, I knew I had to get it over and done with – ripping the bandaid. So, I started reading it and then spent several hours on my day off finishing it.

Thrive by J. J. Eden: Jen sent me her incredible poetry book what seems like forever ago now, and I never really got around to reading it – I was in my very not reading phase – but last year I was slowly working through Thrive to help me get back into reading. And I finally decided it was time to finish reading it.

LOUISE’S JANUARY FAVOURITES

Music

I find silence difficult, so, I’ve almost always got music playing in the background. This month I’ve been loving:

The Lumineer’s new album Brightside: This is now possibly my favourite album of theirs, and I especially love A.M. Radio and Where We Are.

Amy Winehouse’s Frank & Back to Black albums: Amy Winehouse has always been one of my favourite musicians, and her albums are ones I always find myself returning to.

Agnes Obel’s Aventine album: Agnes Obel’s music is always my go-to when things are stressful, it’s really just perfect for unwinding.

LP’s new album Churches: A friend introduced me to this album, and I’ve been listening to it on repeat ever since. Truly just a work of art.

Wearing

Long dresses, baggy t-shirts & oversized shirts as jackets: It has been hot and humid, so, I’ve mostly been wearing long, light dresses, and oversized t-shirts, with a loose long-sleeved shirt over the top if it is by chance a little chilly.

Doing

This month has been chaotic, and I haven’t been able to do all that much for myself because of it, and because of the state of Covid in Victoria, but I have managed to do a few things that have made me happy.

Long walks: I was once told that to process anything you have to move, and I have noticed through walking my thinking changes. I also find a lot of creative inspiration comes to me when out in nature, similar to that time in between being awake and asleep.

Writing: I have come to realise that writing and creativity are essential to my wellbeing, and so, I have been doing a lot more of it. I’ve been trying not to pressure myself too much about what I write – it could something for my book, a poem, or just a reflection – whatever it is, it helps ground me.

Cooking: I’ve managed to do some more cooking this month and I have discovered that it’s actually something I enjoy! Some of my favourite things to make are waffles, curries and pasta dishes.

Watercolours: I’ve slowly started doing more art again, and have been finding it incredibly relaxing. I used to find it difficult to let myself just create, without getting caught up in every mistake I make along the way. At the moment, I’ve been a lot better with just enjoying the process, and not worrying so much about making things perfect or even ‘good’.

Crochet: I try to always have a crochet project on the go, and love to make things for people. At the moment I’m making a mushroom earring stand for a friend.

Books

I haven’t read as much as usual this month, with 2022 getting off to a chaotic start. However, some books I read that I absolutely adored were:

Love Letters by Virginia Woolf and Vita Sackville West: A collection of letters and diary entries from Virginia Woolf and Vita Sackville West chronicling the entirety of their complicated relationship. This is an absolutely remarkable book and offers so many stunning insights into writing, living, and relationships.

Mrs Dalloway by Virginia Woolf: The simplest way to describe this book is that it follows a woman, Mrs Dalloway, through a day in her life. Woolf’s writing is truly like nothing else, her descriptions are poetic, and her characters are crafted with so much depth and insight.

Rapture by Carol Ann Duffy: A collection of poetry that tracks the course of a relationship. The poems vary, travelling from infatuation, to love, to grief and everything in between. This was a re-read for me. I really didn’t enjoy it the first time I read it. However, since I love Carol Ann Duffy’s poetry generally I decided to try again, and this time it really struck me.

Stung with Love: Poems and Fragments by Sappho: One of my favourite books is If Not Winter, Anne Carson’s translation of Sappho’s poetry, a book that feels like summertime. I was curious to read a different translation of Sappho’s work, and although this one did not have the magic of Anne Carson’s, it’s hard not to be enchanted by these poems.

And there you have it, our January favourites. I had hoped to get this post up a little earlier, but life is busy, and well, it’s still up.

We’d love to know what you loved during January!

I feel lost in life, but I’m working on it

I’ve been meaning to write this post for weeks now, but I keep putting it off. The reason being is the title itself – I haven’t been feeling like myself, I’ve felt lost in life, and it’s been eating at me. I’ve had these feelings for a fair while now, months, if I really look back, but throughout January they’ve grown stronger, and since turning 21 I feel as though I’m watching myself drift through life from afar. I’m not me anymore.

I’ve been feeling an array of negative emotions: lonely, empty, miserable, alienated, sad, tired, frustrated, desperate, despair, doubtful, anxiousness… And I’ve been feeling them more often than not. They’ve left me feeling out of place and out of body. They’ve left me feeling lost and alone.

I think the strain of living in a pandemic has finally caught up to me, and the fact that I’ve been working as much as possible because the cost of living isn’t cheap. Instead of catching up with friends, I hardly receive messages back, or any messages at all – which fuels the feelings of loneliness to the point where I don’t know who my friends truly are anymore. Doing the things I love are a lot harder, and I haven’t been able to put in the effort and when I do, it no longer feels good enough. And it’s just a downwards spiral really – where I’m only just holding on. But being alone has forced me into analysing myself (which is a good and bad thing).

The bad is obviously, I’m overthinking every single thought and my feelings of self-worth have deteriorated rapidly. But the good is that I’m reading and cross-stitching more – sometimes I feel completely at peace.

Turning 21 really didn’t help.

But I am working on it.

I’m slowly working on climbing out of the deep hole I’ve fallen into. I just have to keep reminding myself that it will be okay, that I will be okay, and that there is help, there is always help.

And this is what I’m going to do:

Create positive/sustainable routines: I’m slowly going to work on creating and sticking to morning and night routines to ensure the best possible sleep. That’s a big area where I’m struggling at the moment. I feel as though I’m either not getting enough, or not sleeping very well. And that needs to change. Sleep is so incredibly important. Once I create/implement them I’ll write some posts and share them with you in my lifestyle category. Although, I think I already have shared previous morning/night routines.

My jelly legs after finishing my workout today

Create an exercise routine: Well, just get back into working out and moving my body again, because I always feel good after moving my body and I’ve noticed I’ve become more sedentary over the last few weeks. I actually went to the gym today for the first time in months, and it inspired me to finally write this post – I did a lower body workout. I love feeling strong and agile, and I want to feel that again. Plus I’m swimming 100km this month for the Starlight Super Swim and I want to get into training for ultra marathons and whatnot… I like the idea of being an endurance athlete.

Work on my eating habits: Food is fuel, and food is important. I’m going to work on eating more and eating more of the good stuff.

Do more of what I love: As simple as it is, I need to put my energy into things I love.

See friends: I think I need to start going out and seeing friends again. I did catch up with a friend for coffee and we then browsed some op shops and while it felt good at the time, I felt worse off afterwards and I don’t know why. I’m hoping that’s a one-off though. Because I love socialising.

And that’s that. In all honesty, I’m not even sure what this post is. I just needed to ramble, and Elysian Haze is a space where I feel safe enough to do so.

You’ll definitely be seeing some more positive posts in the future. I’m just going through a lull at the moment, it’s nothing new.

Anyway, happy Monday!

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